Stop The Kettle Island Bridge

Rabid squirrels in my living room

A clever submission by Peter Wilson, a concerned citizen, to illustrate the absurd logic employed by the consultants to choose the Kettle Island corridor.

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Kettle Island Proposal Will Remove One in Three Trucks From Downtown

As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with a proposal to put a four-lane interprovincial truck route through quiet east end neighbourhoods and past locally and nationally significant institutions, I returned from work yesterday afternoon to find three rabid squirrels trapped in my living room. They had soiled and chewed the furniture, were frantically climbing up the drapes trying to get out, and had broken two vases.

I moved my family out onto the front lawn and, using my cell phone, called the City of Ottawa for help. They sent two animal control experts over with computers. They didn’t speak to us as they entered our home, other than to tell us that they would summon us once they had a plan.

About half an hour later we were called inside for a meeting. We were pleased to see that one of the squirrels had been caught, although the other two were still destroying the living room.

“What’s the plan?” I asked.

“We’re going to release the one squirrel that we were able to catch into your kitchen,” one of the technocrats told me.

“That’s insane!” I said, “that will just make the problem worse!”

“Kitchens are the most attractive option for squirrels,” the other expert explained, “there’s food and water there; we hope the other two squirrels will eventually move there as well.”

This is a fictional story to illustrate the completely irrational approach used in selecting the Kettle Island Bridge option as the “preferred route” to get heavy trucks out of Ottawa. Option 7, a bridge between the Canotek Industrial Park and the Gatineau Airport solves, rather than spreads, the problem of trucks in Ottawa.

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